The Opposite of Spoiled by Ron Lieber

The Opposite of Spoiled by Ron Lieber explores how parents can teach children to develop a healthy, balanced relationship with money. He argues that guiding kids to understand earning, saving, and spending fosters gratitude, responsibility, and long-term financial literacy. Through research, anecdotes, and advice, he shows that financial lessons are as much about values as they are about dollars.

Today’s Kids

• Kids face growing pressures
  • Social media influence
  • Rising college costs
  • Fast-paced, consumption-driven culture
• Avoiding money conversations backfires
  • Talking about money doesn’t create greed
  • Lack of guidance leaves kids unprepared
  • Can teach values, responsibility, and life skills
• Common traits of spoiled children (shown by research)
  • Few chores or responsibilities
  • Minimal structure or rules
  • Constant adult assistance and attention
  • Abundance of material possessions
• The opposite of spoiled: generosity, curiosity, patience, perseverance

How to Talk About Money

• Money talk feels hard
  • Silence is convenient; money convos can trigger strong emotions
  • Avoidance often comes from love, but it’s naïve
• Kids live in the real world and need honest, age-appropriate info
  • Always praise thoughtful questions
  • Use ‘Why do you ask?’ to encourage dialogue
• Teach kids to:
  • Respect financial privacy
  • Stay curious without being intrusive
  • Understand others’ situations are often unknown or complex

Common Questions

• “Are we poor?”
  • No: explain poverty is lacking essentials; reassure we’re okay
  • Yes: be honest about challenges; emphasize love, support, and community
• “Are we rich?”
  • Ask what ‘rich’ means to them
  • Reinforce that real wealth = health, family, relationships
  • Teach that appearances can be misleading
• “Why can’t I buy it with my own money?”
  • Don’t give arbitrary answers
  • Respect their effort, but teach values-based choices
• “Why don’t you get another job to make more money?”
  • Share how your job aligns with values and who you want to be
• “How much money do you make?”
  • Share later (e.g., in high school)
  • First teach what things actually cost (housing, utilities, insurance, taxes)

Allowance = Practice

• Begin when a child can count and asks where money comes from
  • Guideline: 50¢-$1 per week for every year of age
  • Enough to allow choices, but not enough to avoid trade-offs
• Divide allowance
  • Spending: no rules; let them learn through experience
  • Giving: discuss helping others
  • Saving: start with short-term, concrete goals
• Optional incentives
  • Pay interest for saving
  • Tax the spending jar
  • Offer matching for savings goals or donations
  • Require payment to fix or replace lost/broken items
• Logistics
  • Use real cash for visibility (digital is too abstract for kids)
  • Set a consistent payday

Raising Kids Who Aren’t Materialistic

• Chores
  • Should not always be tied to money – they are a part of family life
  • Consider paying for problem-solving or entrepreneurial projects
  • Aim to build work ethic and the ability to delay gratification
  • “Play with me now”, restaurant, or movie night coupons
• Work
  • Kids naturally crave purpose and projects
  • Encourage early work experiences
  • The more they earn and contribute, the more they appreciate
• Giving
  • Lead by example – share your giving and why it matters to you
  • Frame giving as a duty when you have more than you need
  • Giving builds happiness and community strength
• Dewey’s Rule for Modesty
  • Kids should be around the 30th percentile, not the 90th
  • Ex: their car should be about the 7th nicest out of 10