Learning From Literature

The Opposite of Spoiled by Ron Lieber

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The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money by Ron Lieber is a business / finance or parenting book published in 2015.

Conversations about money with children are rarely straightforward. They carry emotional weight, shaped by our own experiences, fears, and values around spending and saving. Parents often struggle with these talks – not because they don’t care, but because money can feel so charged, private, and complex. Yet silence, though convenient, leaves children without essential tools for navigating the financial realities of the world they’re growing into.

Ron Lieber emphasizes that no matter a family’s income level, talking openly about money is both necessary and powerful. Money becomes a medium to explore character, ethics, and real-life skills.

Enjoy!

Table of Contents

Rising Challenges for Kids Today

  • Kids today face increasing pressures:
    • Social media’s influence
    • Soaring college costs
    • Fast-paced, consumption-driven culture
  • Navigating early adulthood successfully requires financial literacy and life skills, especially by early 20s
  • Avoiding money conversations doesn’t protect kids – it leaves them unprepared
  • Talking about money isn’t what makes kids greedy
    • It can be used as a tool to teach values, responsibility, and life skills

What Makes “Spoiled”

Spoiled children often share four traits (shown by research):

  • Few chores or responsibilities
  • Minimal structure or rules
  • Constant adult assistance and attention
  • Abundance of material possessions

Raising Grounded Kids

  • The opposite of “spoiled” includes values like:
    • Generosity, curiosity, patience, perseverance
  • All of these can be taught through conversations and experiences with money

Why Parents Stay Silent

  • Silence is convenient – talking about money can trigger strong emotions
  • Avoiding the topic often comes from love, but it’s naïve
  • Kids live in the real world and need honest, age-appropriate information

How to Talk About Money

  • Always praise thoughtful questions
  • Ask: “Why do you ask?” – this encourages dialogue
  • Teach kids to:
    • Respect financial privacy
    • Stay curious without being intrusive
    • Understand others’ situations are often unknown or complex

Common Questions

  • “Are we poor?”
    • No? → Explain what poverty means (lacking essentials), and that your family is okay
    • Yes? → Be honest about current challenges, but reassure them about love, support, and community
  • “Are we rich?”
    • Ask them what “rich” means to them
    • Highlight what really matters – health, family, relationships
    • Teach financial humility: appearances don’t tell the whole story
  • “Why can’t I buy it with my own money?”
    • Avoid arbitrary answers; promise to explain later if necessary
    • Respect their intent to pay, but teach delayed gratification and values
  • “Why don’t you get another job to make more money?”
    • Share how your job aligns with your values and who you want to be
  • “How much money do you make?”
    • Share when they’re older (e.g. high school), but focus first on what things cost
    • Teach them how budgeting works: housing, insurance, utilities, taxes

Allowance: Practice for the Real World

  • When to Start → when a child can count and asks where money comes from
  • How Much → 50¢ to $1 per week for every year of age is a good rule of thumb
    • Enough to make choices, but not enough to avoid hard decisions
  • How to Structure → Divide into Spending, Giving, Saving jars
    • Spend – No rules, let them experiment
    • Give – Talk about helping others
    • Save – Keep goals short-term and concrete at first
  • Incentives
    • Offer interest for saving
    • Tax the spending jar to encourage saving
    • Offer matching for saving goals or donations
  • Logistics
    • Use clear bins and real cash for visibility
    • Set a consistent “payday” (e.g., every Saturday)
    • Avoid digital-only systems – money becomes abstract
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Needs vs. Wants

  • By age 5, most kids can distinguish wants from needs
  • Use clothing as a teaching tool: $25 shirt vs. $100 designer shirt
  • Give them a school clothing budget – don’t bail them out mid-year
  • Creative Strategies
    • Let kids buy wants with their own money
    • Ban certain items unless they write a persuasive essay explaining why
    • Make them pay to fix or replace lost or broken items

Chores

  • Chores should not always be tied to money – some things are part of being in a family
  • Consider paying for:
  • Chores build work ethic and the ability to delay gratification

Smart Spending

  • Teach the Fun Ratio: How many hours of enjoyment per dollar?
  • Introduce the More Good / Less Harm test:
    • Does this purchase bring long-lasting enjoyment?
    • Does it reduce overall well-being or clutter?

Raising Kids Who Aren’t Materialistic

  • Our standards have shifted – most of the world still lacks basic comforts
  • Instead of gifts, offer:
    • “Play with me now” coupons
    • Restaurant or movie night coupons
  • Be creative and personal – build memories, not just possessions
  • Dewey’s Rule for Modesty
    • Kids should be in the 30th percentile, not the 90th
    • Their car should be 7th nicest out of 10

Giving

  • Lead by example – share your giving and why it matters to you
  • Frame giving as a duty when you have more than you need
  • Giving builds happiness and community strength

Work

  • Kids naturally crave purpose and projects
  • Encourage early work experiences:
    • Bigger chores
    • Small jobs
    • Pet sitting, yard work, etc
  • The more they earn and contribute, the more they appreciate:

Privilege

  • These conversations reflect a position of privilege
  • Foster gratitude without making it feel like a burden
    • Grace or gratitude rituals
    • Cross-class friendships
    • Community service

Redefining “Enough”

  • Teaching kids about money means re-evaluating our own values as parents
  • Define “enough” as a family – build your budget and lifestyle around it
  • Kids change fast, and each one is different – your approach should be flexible and intentional

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