The Opposite of Spoiled by Ron Lieber

The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money by Ron Lieber is a business / finance or parenting book published in 2015.

Conversations about money with children are rarely straightforward. They carry emotional weight, shaped by our own experiences, fears, and values around spending and saving. Parents often struggle with these talks – not because they don’t care, but because money can feel so charged, private, and complex. Yet silence, though convenient, leaves children without essential tools for navigating the financial realities of the world they’re growing into.

Ron Lieber emphasizes that no matter a family’s income level, talking openly about money is both necessary and powerful. Money becomes a medium to explore character, ethics, and real-life skills.

Today’s Kids

• Kids face growing pressures
  • Social media influence
  • Rising college costs
  • Fast-paced, consumption-driven culture
• Avoiding money conversations backfires
  • Talking about money doesn’t create greed
  • Lack of guidance leaves kids unprepared
  • Can teach values, responsibility, and life skills
• Common traits of spoiled children (shown by research)
  • Few chores or responsibilities
  • Minimal structure or rules
  • Constant adult assistance and attention
  • Abundance of material possessions
• The opposite of spoiled: generosity, curiosity, patience, perseverance

How to Talk About Money

• Money talk feels hard
  • Silence is convenient; money convos can trigger strong emotions
  • Avoidance often comes from love, but it’s naïve
• Kids live in the real world and need honest, age-appropriate info
  • Always praise thoughtful questions
  • Use ‘Why do you ask?’ to encourage dialogue
• Teach kids to:
  • Respect financial privacy
  • Stay curious without being intrusive
  • Understand others’ situations are often unknown or complex

Common Questions

• “Are we poor?”
  • No: explain poverty is lacking essentials; reassure we’re okay
  • Yes: be honest about challenges; emphasize love, support, and community
• “Are we rich?”
  • Ask what ‘rich’ means to them
  • Reinforce that real wealth = health, family, relationships
  • Teach that appearances can be misleading
• “Why can’t I buy it with my own money?”
  • Don’t give arbitrary answers
  • Respect their effort, but teach values-based choices
• “Why don’t you get another job to make more money?”
  • Share how your job aligns with values and who you want to be
• “How much money do you make?”
  • Share later (e.g., in high school)
  • First teach what things actually cost (housing, utilities, insurance, taxes)

Allowance = Practice

• Begin when a child can count and asks where money comes from
  • Guideline: 50¢-$1 per week for every year of age
  • Enough to allow choices, but not enough to avoid trade-offs
• Divide allowance
  • Spending: no rules; let them learn through experience
  • Giving: discuss helping others
  • Saving: start with short-term, concrete goals
• Optional incentives
  • Pay interest for saving
  • Tax the spending jar
  • Offer matching for savings goals or donations
  • Require payment to fix or replace lost/broken items
• Logistics
  • Use real cash for visibility (digital is too abstract for kids)
  • Set a consistent payday

Raising Kids Who Aren’t Materialistic

• Chores
  • Should not always be tied to money – they are a part of family life
  • Consider paying for problem-solving or entrepreneurial projects
  • Aim to build work ethic and the ability to delay gratification
  • “Play with me now”, restaurant, or movie night coupons
• Work
  • Kids naturally crave purpose and projects
  • Encourage early work experiences
  • The more they earn and contribute, the more they appreciate
• Giving
  • Lead by example – share your giving and why it matters to you
  • Frame giving as a duty when you have more than you need
  • Giving builds happiness and community strength
• Dewey’s Rule for Modesty
  • Kids should be around the 30th percentile, not the 90th
  • Ex: their car should be about the 7th nicest out of 10