Learning From Literature

The Art Of Happiness by The Dalai Lama & Howard Cutler

Cover of The Art Of Happiness by The Dalai Lama & Howard Cutler

The Art Of Happiness: A Handbook For Living by His Holiness The Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler is a self-help book published in 1998.

The Dalai Lama, revered as “a living Buddha of compassion,” inspired author Cutler to delve into the ideas behind his profound sense of fulfillment. The result is The Art of Happiness, a book that attempts to identify and unpack the universal principles embodied by the spiritual leader of Tibet. It’s not a Buddhist text but a guide to happiness for people of all backgrounds. As written:

“There may be differences in cultural background, or way of life or faith, or we may be of a different color, but we are human beings, consisting of the same physical and structure and mind and emotional nature… When you leave differences aside, you can easily communicate, exchange ideas and share experiences”

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Enjoy!

Table of Contents

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Part 1 – THE PURPOSE OF LIFE

The Right to Happiness
  • Purpose of our life is happiness (religion or not)
  • With inner discipline, we can change our attitude, outlook, and approach to living
  • Happy People → more sociable, flexible, creative, loving, forgiving, easier able to tolerate frustrations
The Sources of Happiness
  • Happiness is largely determined by outlook — how we perceive our situation & how satisfied with what we have
    • After basic physical needs, our mental state is the only thing needed
  • State of Mind > External Events
    • Success (or tragedy) may result in temporary elation (or depression), but our happiness tends to return to a baseline
    • Health, companions, and wealth have little impact on long-term happiness
  • Happiness ≠ Pleasure
    • Of the mind & heart vs. Immediate feeling
    • Ask yourself — Will it bring greater happiness or pleasure?
    • Reframe saying no (denying yourself) → A decision that will bring me happiness
Training the Mind for Happiness
  • Identify & cultivate positive mental states; identify & eliminate negative mental states
    • Categorize positive / negative by whether they lead to ultimate happiness (not external moral judgements like “Hatred is Evil”)
    • Learn how negative emotions / behaviors are harmful & how positive states are helpful 
  • Transforming your mind takes time and effort
    • Keep motivation by understanding Atomic Habits
    • As you build positive practices, negative behaviors automatically diminish
Reclaiming Our Innate State of Happiness
  • Basic human nature is gentleness
    • Tendency to act for the welfare of others allowed humans to survive
    • Anger / Aggression are superficial – influenced by biological, social, situational, and environmental factors

Part 2 – HUMAN WARMTH AND COMPASSION

A New Model for Intimacy
  • Intimacy is central to our existence + promotes physical & psychological well-being
    • All factors of our life are a result of many people’s efforts
    • Varying forms – Japanese in friendships, Americans in romantic relationships
  • Lonely people often struggle with self-disclosure, communicating, listening, and certain social skills
  • Realize compassion is worthwhile → encourages willingness to cultivate it → approach others with idea of compassion → reduces fear & allows openness with other people
  • Expand concept of intimacy to include all forms that surround us on a daily basis
    • Opening to discover many new & equally satisfying connections
Deepening Our Connection to Others
  • Develop compassion with empathy — ability to appreciate another’s suffering
    • Imagine a beloved is going through the situation
  • View others through the basic things we have in common, rather than emphasizing secondary differences like nationality, race, religion, etc
    • All want happiness & to avoid suffering – all born and die – all have physical structure, mind, emotions
  • Examine & understand the underlying basis of the relationship
    • Relationships continue only as long as those grounds are there
    • Ex — Friendships based on wealth / position
    • Ex — Many relationships based on immediate sexual attraction, “romance”
    • Goal → Relationships based on true human feeling, sharing, and connectedness
The Value and Benefits of Compassion
  • Compassion → state of mind that is nonviolent, nonharming, nonaggressive; based on wish for others to be free of suffering
  • Attachment is NOT stable basis / foundation
    • Friends, family, & relationships based on the attachment relation

Part 3 – TRANSFORMING SUFFERING

Facing Suffering 
  • Suffering can only be avoided temporarily
    • We try in a variety of ways (internally & externally)
  • Suffering is a natural part of human existence (not negative act)
  • Directly confront your problem (even if unsolvable)
    • You’ll be in a better position to handle it
  • Reflecting prepares you but does not ease the problem itself
  • Loss of loved one → try to carry on wishes of that person; self-pity doesn’t help them
Self-Created Suffering
  • Some suffering is self-created
    • Tend to replay a situation, feeding the emotion
    • Tend to blow things out of proportion
    • Now you have 2 problems — original problem + emotional unrest
  • Whether you suffer depends on how you respond
    • Obstacle Is The Way → Choose not to be harmed and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed – and you haven’t been
  • We tend to blame others / external factors
    • Look at it from other perspectives
    • “Find your own contribution” to the problem
  • Resisting change is common self-caused suffering
    • Accept nothing is static; life is change 
Shifting Perspective
  • View the situation from a different perspective
    • Everything is of a relative nature
    • Everything has multiple aspects
    • Self-absorption makes problem seem very intense
    • Issue gives you opportunities which otherwise wouldn’t have been possible – entire idea of The Obstacle Is The Way by Ryan Holiday
  • Takes practice — it won’t always work
Finding Meaning in Pain and Suffering
  • Victor Frankl, Auschwitz survivor — “Man is ready and willing to shoulder any suffering as soon and as long as he can see a meaning in it”
    • Fellow survivors were not youngest / most fit but those who had meaning in life
  • Finding meaning in suffering is a powerful method to cope
    • Hard to do → suffering often random & seemingly meaningless
    • At very least, strengthens us & deepens experience of life
  • Tong-Len Buddhist Practice
    • Imagine taking other’s suffering while giving your health, resources, fortune, etc
    • Gives suffering inherent meaning
    • Trains compassionate state of mind
  • Suffering is the most basic element that we share with others

Part 4 – OVERCOMING OBSTACLES

Bringing About Change 
  • Learning → Conviction → Determination → Action
    • Learning how negative behaviors are harmful to happiness & positive ones are helpful gives you conviction that you need to change
    • Conviction gives you determination to change
    • Determination gives strength for sustained effort needed
  • Stop Smoking Example
    • Learn about harmful effects of smoking & how these impede your ultimate happiness → Firm conviction that you need to stop smoking → Determination that you will change → Exert effort to establish new habit patterns
  • It takes sustained time and effort to establish new behavior patterns
    • Build a system
    • To keep motivation at obstacles, step back and take the long-term view
  • Positive states of mind are direct antidotes to negative ones
Dealing with Anger and Hatred 
  • Anger is one of the biggest obstacles to our happiness
    • Mentally — Clouds judgment, causes discomfort, destroys relationships
    • Physically — Damaging to cardiovascular system (heart disease, high cholesterol, high blood pressure)
    • No good function – blind energy
  • Cannot overcome anger by suppressing – need to cultivate patience & tolerance
    • Contentment & compassion helps prevent anger from arising in the first place
  • Anger doesn’t  protect you from the harm (it’s already happened) – but it creates additional cause for suffering in the future
    • Patience may bring temporary discomfort but avoids long-term consequences
    • Even when you need a strong stand, do it from a place of compassion
  • Patience is a sign of strength
    • Ability to remain firm and not be overwhelmed by adverse situations
Dealing with Anxiety and Building Self-Esteem
  • Excessive levels of worry / anxiety serve no useful purpose & only undermine happiness
  • If there is a solution to the problem, there is no need to worry. If there is no solution, there is no sense in worrying either
    • Solution? → seek it
    • No solution? → can’t do anything about it
    • Implies directly confronting problem; otherwise you won’t find out whether there is a solution 
  • If you are dealing with ongoing anxiety, look at the specific situation and causes
  • Sincere motivation acts as antidote to reduce fear / anxiety 
    • If you’re doing your best to help and fail, there’s no regret
  • Healthy self-confidence is necessary in achieving goals
    • Too Low → inhibits efforts to meet challenges and take necessary risks
    • Too High → frustration when world doesn’t validate idealized view of themselves + entitlement / arrogance that distances themselves from others 
    • Be honest with oneself about capabilities 
  • Self Confidence vs Arrogance
    • Justified sense of superiority vs Groundlessly inflated sense of self
    • Lead to positive consequences vs Lead to negative consequences
    • Only concerned for yourself vs Desire to be of service & help
  • To reduce arrogance, reflect upon areas that you have no knowledge of 

Part 5 – CLOSING REFLECTIONS ON LIVING A SPIRITUAL LIFE

Basic Spiritual Values
  • Components of Happiness
    • Understanding true sources of happiness & prioritizing our life based on cultivating these sources
    • Inner Discipline → process of replacing destructive mental states with constructive ones (kindness, tolerance, forgiveness)
    • Spirituality → process of inner transformation through mental development
  • Religious
    • All major religions have ability to make people happier
    • Everyone deserves happiness – if one’s religion facilitates that, we must respect that
  • “Basic Spirituality”
    • Basic human qualities of goodness, kindness, compassion, caring
    • Essential whether religious or not
  • Whether religion or basic spirituality, you must integrate into your daily life – not just superficial

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