Fundamental Techniques

• Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain
• Criticism often creates defensiveness and rarely produces change
• Offer sincere, specific appreciation instead of flattery
• People respond to feeling valued and important
• Genuine appreciation builds enthusiasm and cooperation
• Influence others by appealing to their interests
• Avoid preaching or lecturing
• Show others what they gain from action
• Align requests with their goals and motivations

Make People Like You

• Be genuinely interested in other people
• Do thoughtful, selfless actions
• Smile; attitude is expressed through behavior
• Notice and recall meaningful personal details
• Be an active listener rather than a dominant speaker
• Encourage others to talk about themselves
• Ask questions and stay engaged in responses
• Speak in terms of the other person’s interests

Win People to Your Way of Thinking

• Avoid arguments because they rarely change minds
• Winning an argument often costs goodwill
• Stay calm and welcome disagreement respectfully
• Never tell someone they are wrong directly
• Admit mistakes quickly and clearly
• Begin conversations in a friendly tone
• Aim for early agreement to build momentum
• Let others talk more and share their ideas
• Don’t force opinions onto others
• People support ideas they feel they discovered
• Understand and reflect the other person’s perspective
• Show empathy and acknowledge feelings

Change people without offense

• Begin with honest praise before offering criticism
• Use indirect feedback when addressing mistakes
• Preserve dignity in all corrections
• Admit your own mistakes first to build trust
• Ask questions instead of giving orders
• Make communication feel collaborative
• Let others save face in difficult moments
• Praise all improvement even if small
• Encourage progress with generous recognition
• Set high but encouraging expectations
• Give people a positive reputation to live up to
• Frame faults as temporary and fixable