Basics

• Curiosity: every person is deeply fascinating about something
• Accompaniment: patience, playfulness, and presence
• Talks: listen loudly, find common ground, use looping, don’t be a topper
• Good conversations are a joint exploration to understanding

Conversations

• Spot crucial conversation moments and stay there
• Ask vulnerable, open questions that surrender power
• Encourage depth, probe for understanding
• Don’t yank the discussion back to your frame

Understanding

• Personality: extroversion, conscientiousness, neuroticism, agreeableness, openness
• Life Task: growth requires new mental models
• Life Story: put them into narrative mode and take them back in time
• Ancestors: where is home? what place do they spiritually never leave?
• Ask questions that deepen self-understanding, not provide answers
• Wisdom is helping them to process their own thoughts and emotions
• Help people discover meaning in their own stories

Example Questions

• What would you do if you weren’t afraid?
• If you died tonight, what would you regret not doing?
• If we meet a year from now, what will we be celebrating?
• If the next five years is a chapter in your life, what is that chapter about?
• Can you be yourself where you are and still fit in?
• Why is that a problem for you?
• What’s really working well in your life?
• What are you most self-confident about?